Days since last shave: 5
Current look: Lazy student
Local beard inspiration: Saskwatch and a grizzly adams / father Christmas combo.
Wednesday 31 January 2007
Tuesday 30 January 2007
It's not a job, it's a f-ing adventure!
Travelling eh? Who actually enjoys it, apart from Michael Palin?
I have been more rigourously searched and questioned than a brown person trying to enter the US of A. First a bodyscan at Heathrow, that I was dissapointed to find out didn't work like the one in Total Recall. It was much less impressive and operated by a moody teenager.
Then a 9 hour flight, alleviated by Jack Bauer biting someone's neck off. He certainly knows how to torture people at the drop of a hat, and he's given me some beard inspiration, thanks to his 20 months of Chinese torture.
Then Vancouver airport, where we were taken aside for extra searching and comedy questioning. You have to say how many days you're staying on a customs entry card, and apparently 71 is enough to pique their interest.
First we got asked the sensible question:
Him: "do you have any illegal items in your baggage?"
Us: No
And then it began to get silly:
Him: "Now I'm going to ask you something, and I don't care either way, but do you smoke pot?"
Us: "Nope, neither of us smoke"
Meanwhile a young lady to our right is donning latex gloves....
Him: "I don't mind either way, I just gotta ask."
Us: "That's fine."
Him: "Do you smoke pot?"
Us: "No"
and repeat this circle of boring questions for the next 5 minutes. If I hadn't been so monged from the flight, I would have got incredibly sarcastic.
Then they really got stumped by the answer to their next question to me:
Them: "What job do you do back home that lets you have 71 days off?"
Me: "I'm not working at the moment." (I really enjoy saying that)
Have I bored you yet? 'cause I was!
Anyway on to Vancouver and the last bit of luxury for a long time. We got a cab into Chinatown, and found it to be:
a) closed
ii) right next to the 'wrong side of the tracks'
A quick dinner, a pint in an Irish pub (yes, there really is one in every place on earth) and jet lag finally hit.
Next morning we were flying to Castlegar, in order to reach Red Mountain. Or so we thought...
It turns out that the approach to Castelgar (which isn't in Middle Earth, despite the name) is something of a "dive, dive, dive" affair. This is rather difficult with low cloud which was covering everything. A couple of attempts and the pilot whimped out. So we flew to somewhere called Kelowna.
After landing, and a small mutiny with the passengers demanding to be let off there, rather than forced back to Vancouver we set off to find a car for the 4 hour drive to Red. Luckily it wasn't me queuing up, or I might have said:
"I want keys to a f'ing car, four f'ing wheels and a f'ing boot"
So we all borded the Sunshine Party bus (Mazda 5 with a sewing machine for an engine) and then the nerding began. Despite leaving for the mountains, we have between us, more technology than a room full of Jawas. So the GPS came out, and we were able to navigate the journey, and more importantly record our exact height above sea level at any moment.
So, we finally arrived and tomorrow we get on the snow!
END
p.s. Since I typed this on the tiniest laptop keyboard, I bear no responsibility for any typos / spelling errors.
p.p.s I'm a day behind. I've already been out on the white stuff. I'll save that for the next one.
I have been more rigourously searched and questioned than a brown person trying to enter the US of A. First a bodyscan at Heathrow, that I was dissapointed to find out didn't work like the one in Total Recall. It was much less impressive and operated by a moody teenager.
Then a 9 hour flight, alleviated by Jack Bauer biting someone's neck off. He certainly knows how to torture people at the drop of a hat, and he's given me some beard inspiration, thanks to his 20 months of Chinese torture.
Then Vancouver airport, where we were taken aside for extra searching and comedy questioning. You have to say how many days you're staying on a customs entry card, and apparently 71 is enough to pique their interest.
First we got asked the sensible question:
Him: "do you have any illegal items in your baggage?"
Us: No
And then it began to get silly:
Him: "Now I'm going to ask you something, and I don't care either way, but do you smoke pot?"
Us: "Nope, neither of us smoke"
Meanwhile a young lady to our right is donning latex gloves....
Him: "I don't mind either way, I just gotta ask."
Us: "That's fine."
Him: "Do you smoke pot?"
Us: "No"
and repeat this circle of boring questions for the next 5 minutes. If I hadn't been so monged from the flight, I would have got incredibly sarcastic.
Then they really got stumped by the answer to their next question to me:
Them: "What job do you do back home that lets you have 71 days off?"
Me: "I'm not working at the moment." (I really enjoy saying that)
Have I bored you yet? 'cause I was!
Anyway on to Vancouver and the last bit of luxury for a long time. We got a cab into Chinatown, and found it to be:
a) closed
ii) right next to the 'wrong side of the tracks'
A quick dinner, a pint in an Irish pub (yes, there really is one in every place on earth) and jet lag finally hit.
Next morning we were flying to Castlegar, in order to reach Red Mountain. Or so we thought...
It turns out that the approach to Castelgar (which isn't in Middle Earth, despite the name) is something of a "dive, dive, dive" affair. This is rather difficult with low cloud which was covering everything. A couple of attempts and the pilot whimped out. So we flew to somewhere called Kelowna.
After landing, and a small mutiny with the passengers demanding to be let off there, rather than forced back to Vancouver we set off to find a car for the 4 hour drive to Red. Luckily it wasn't me queuing up, or I might have said:
"I want keys to a f'ing car, four f'ing wheels and a f'ing boot"
So we all borded the Sunshine Party bus (Mazda 5 with a sewing machine for an engine) and then the nerding began. Despite leaving for the mountains, we have between us, more technology than a room full of Jawas. So the GPS came out, and we were able to navigate the journey, and more importantly record our exact height above sea level at any moment.
So, we finally arrived and tomorrow we get on the snow!
END
p.s. Since I typed this on the tiniest laptop keyboard, I bear no responsibility for any typos / spelling errors.
p.p.s I'm a day behind. I've already been out on the white stuff. I'll save that for the next one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)